The love you leave behind

… And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you’re gone.

— Fred Small, “Everything Possible”

I assume that we all go through life doing what we can to be happy and live a good life. But it wasn’t until I heard those lines from Fred Small’s song that I realized there was another gauge beyond our words and deeds to describe a life well-lived — what we leave behind emotionally.

I know that I can’t control what others feel, think, and do, but I don’t want to leave a trail of confusion, conflict, and criticism because of any actions taken or untaken and words spoken or unspoken. What can I do about that? One thing I can do is express myself with care and compassion and confirm what the other person heard to ensure understanding. But there’s more.

My truth is that I find sharing observations and strategies easier than expressing affection and attachment — and I do what is easy most of the time. Yet I yearn for and require the loving, warm, soft side of life to be happy (I assume that’s true for most people).

I know that achieving a loving world requires that I do my part. Although it is risky and scary, I do want to open my heart. When my heart informs my words and deeds, the best things happens: The world reflects that love back.

Thanks, Fred.

What goes around comes around

For it is in giving that we receive.
—Francis of Assisi

Freecycle.org is based on the concept of reusing good stuff instead of filling up our landfills with usable items. But its magic is providing us with an opportunity to feel good by doing good—giving away for free to appreciative community members what we no longer want or need. It’s all so positive: We share the commitment of not tossing stuff in the garbage and the open heartedness we feel of offering for free something of use to someone else.

Through the mystery of the Internet, the concept is easy and works well. You join an email list at freecycle.org for neighborhoods where you live or work. To give something away, you post an offer, people respond, you decide who gets it, and they pick it up from you. To ask for something, you post a request, your request is answered, and you pick it up.

The kinds of things we have given away:

• kitchen items
• computer paraphernalia
• fabric, artwork
• clothing
• magazines
• furniture

What we have received:

• ping pong table
• food dehydrator, slow cooker, egg steamer, gas grill, bread machine, juicer
• leather couch, corner cabinet, recliner, leather ottomans

And the beauty of it is that when the time is right, you can put what you received back on freecycle to be reused!

It truly is what goes around … and around … and around, comes around … and around … and around.

Striving for perfection haiku

Courting perfection,
hoping it will protect me—
but life intervenes

12 simple words

Want what you have.
Do what you can.
Be who you are.

Some people might think these words by the late Forrest Church (1948–2009) oversimplify the road to happiness and a meaningful life. But could they be the perfect road map?

Are we satisfied with who we are and grateful for what we have? Do we take care of the people and issues in our lives? Are we focusing on what is possible and what we can achieve? Are we doing the best we can?  Are we being authentic and true to ourselves? Are we following our unique calling?

Kinda deep, but how we live is kinda important.

Risky business

Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines risk as the “possibility of loss or injury.”  Seems simple.

But the emotional roller coaster in that moment when we are confronted with taking a risk feels anything but simple. Assuming most of us do not want to cause injury to ourselves or others, what is this loss that we’re so afraid of?

The result of taking a risk could be making a mistake or looking foolish or stupid. Maybe what we’re afraid of losing is losing … face?

We’ve heard of studies that show that having and maintaining social connections is important for happiness. Do we worry that taking a risk and losing face or respect from the people in our social network could separate us from them?  Sounds reasonable.

But, being our own unique selves and opening to the risk of (1) saying, with kindness, what is on our hearts and minds and (2) taking actions that support our values could earn us more respect and increase our social network with people who accept that our being authentic is important and that we all make mistakes and look foolish at one point or another.

Seems like we have more to gain than lose by taking the risk of being our true selves?

40 days of kindness

I have not experienced Lent personally. But I understand that it is about changing one’s behavior for the 40 days before Easter in order to remember the suffering of Jesus. People have mentioned giving up a favorite food or activity during Lent.

So it was a bit of a surprise to see this Lenten sign on a church marquee I drive by regularly:  40 Days of Kindness. What a remarkable idea for a church community to focus on kindness for Lent!

First, kind acts positively benefit the actors, recipients, and witnesses—good for everyone.

Second, when a community takes on a goal, the community members are able to relate and share about their process and experiences as they pursue their common goal. In this case, the desire to be kind would give a focus to conversations, foster a greater awareness of what it is to be kind, strengthen existing ties, and create new connections to build a tighter-knit community.

I attend a weekly meditation group where we discuss open-heartedness and generosity of spirit and regularly ask for loving-kindness for ourselves and others. Doing so has helped us be more aware of kindness in our everyday lives and has brought us closer together. We say that if each of us had loving-kindness as a daily goal, the world couldn’t help but be a better place.