Searching for community

I’m always looking for community—a feeling of connectedness to others, where people listen to, try to understand, and care for one another in an open-hearted and open-minded environment.

This appears to be my life journey. It requires action and self-reflection—looking at who I am as a friend and becoming the friend I am looking for. Although the downside is feeling weary and overwhelmed from the energy required to make internal changes and to find and maintain connections, I feel grateful that my desire for meaningful engagement motivates me to try to be the best friend I can be and to see who or what might be behind the next door … and the next door … and the next door.

The love you leave behind

… And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you’re gone.

— Fred Small, “Everything Possible”

I assume that we all go through life doing what we can to be happy and live a good life. But it wasn’t until I heard those lines from Fred Small’s song that I realized there was another gauge beyond our words and deeds to describe a life well-lived — what we leave behind emotionally.

I know that I can’t control what others feel, think, and do, but I don’t want to leave a trail of confusion, conflict, and criticism because of any actions taken or untaken and words spoken or unspoken. What can I do about that? One thing I can do is express myself with care and compassion and confirm what the other person heard to ensure understanding. But there’s more.

My truth is that I find sharing observations and strategies easier than expressing affection and attachment — and I do what is easy most of the time. Yet I yearn for and require the loving, warm, soft side of life to be happy (I assume that’s true for most people).

I know that achieving a loving world requires that I do my part. Although it is risky and scary, I do want to open my heart. When my heart informs my words and deeds, the best things happens: The world reflects that love back.

Thanks, Fred.

One path to joy

I have never met anyone I consider a stranger.
—His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

After years of attending a meditation group and hearing and reading the profound words of those who have come before me, my heart is beginning to open to the fact that we are not strangers, that we are all known to one another—connected by our common humanity, experience, suffering, and joy. I’ve walked in your shoes and you in mine.

What prevents us from thinking that way? Fear of being rejected by others? Fear of being known? Fear of accepting that we are more alike than different?

All I know is that when I can be fully present with others, known and unknown, and can reach out in kindness and compassion, I feel joy. And that feels good.

Gifts

To be heard deeply and fully is
the greatest gift one could ever receive.

To listen with one’s heart is
the greatest gift one could ever give.

7 words

Loneliness
knocks, then
comes in
and stays

Fearing a future
without ones
who care

No one
to pat a hand,
smile,

and do with kindness
whatever
needs doing

No family
or nearby friends
What then?

The only path~
love and give
now

Loving well?

We often think and talk about being in love and being loved. But what about how well we love? And what is loving well, anyway?

Maybe it’s setting the intention to give others the benefit of the doubt and to be caring, thoughtful, and kind, as in . . .

• For people I know, am I able to walk in their shoes so I can empathize with their experience?
• For strangers, am I patient enough to create a backstory to put their actions into a loving perspective?
• When someone says or does something that annoys or frustrates me, am I able to admit to myself that I must say and do those things too?
• Do I take the time to think about what makes other people happy and do what I can to further their happiness?

Obviously, loving well is a lot to take on and a lot to strive toward . . . but that wonderful, open-hearted feeling we get when we’re successful is worth it.

What goes around comes around

For it is in giving that we receive.
—Francis of Assisi

Freecycle.org is based on the concept of reusing good stuff instead of filling up our landfills with usable items. But its magic is providing us with an opportunity to feel good by doing good—giving away for free to appreciative community members what we no longer want or need. It’s all so positive: We share the commitment of not tossing stuff in the garbage and the open heartedness we feel of offering for free something of use to someone else.

Through the mystery of the Internet, the concept is easy and works well. You join an email list at freecycle.org for neighborhoods where you live or work. To give something away, you post an offer, people respond, you decide who gets it, and they pick it up from you. To ask for something, you post a request, your request is answered, and you pick it up.

The kinds of things we have given away:

• kitchen items
• computer paraphernalia
• fabric, artwork
• clothing
• magazines
• furniture

What we have received:

• ping pong table
• food dehydrator, slow cooker, egg steamer, gas grill, bread machine, juicer
• leather couch, corner cabinet, recliner, leather ottomans

And the beauty of it is that when the time is right, you can put what you received back on freecycle to be reused!

It truly is what goes around … and around … and around, comes around … and around … and around.

Advice

An ink-black crow yelled at me, saying,
Be responsible for everything: your life, and the lives of others.
The war in Iraq, and children dying of starvation.
Your neighbor’s happiness—and the Amazon rainforest.
Your body’s health, and the community of elders in Tajikistan.
The bacterial network in the soil, and the fungal mat beneath the roots of trees.
The farm workers being slowly poisoned by pesticides, and the wilderness being stripped of its wildness.
I complained loudly that I was not big enough to hold the whole world.
Do not stop there, he cawed.
You are also responsible for galaxies spinning on their axis, and the birth of stars.
Gravity, and the expansion of space.
All beliefs of every species, and the transformation of hydrogen from one form to another.
What then, I beseeched, does it mean to be responsible?
He looked at me from his perch on the branch outside my window,
first with one eye, then the other,
as if contemplating an answer simple enough for me to understand.
Care, he replied.
Care, Care, Care.

Advice
by Lion Goodman

40 days of kindness

I have not experienced Lent personally. But I understand that it is about changing one’s behavior for the 40 days before Easter in order to remember the suffering of Jesus. People have mentioned giving up a favorite food or activity during Lent.

So it was a bit of a surprise to see this Lenten sign on a church marquee I drive by regularly:  40 Days of Kindness. What a remarkable idea for a church community to focus on kindness for Lent!

First, kind acts positively benefit the actors, recipients, and witnesses—good for everyone.

Second, when a community takes on a goal, the community members are able to relate and share about their process and experiences as they pursue their common goal. In this case, the desire to be kind would give a focus to conversations, foster a greater awareness of what it is to be kind, strengthen existing ties, and create new connections to build a tighter-knit community.

I attend a weekly meditation group where we discuss open-heartedness and generosity of spirit and regularly ask for loving-kindness for ourselves and others. Doing so has helped us be more aware of kindness in our everyday lives and has brought us closer together. We say that if each of us had loving-kindness as a daily goal, the world couldn’t help but be a better place.